Jokes about Sport
Olympic Rings
At the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games one of the most important personalities begins to read the speech:
- 0, 0, 0 ...
His assistant runs up to him and says:
- Mr. President, these are the Olympic rings. The text is below.
- 0, 0, 0 ...
His assistant runs up to him and says:
- Mr. President, these are the Olympic rings. The text is below.
The Triple Jump
Upset coach yells at the young athlete who is training triple jump:
- How many times do I have to tell you that the triple jump and the distance of sixteen meters you have
to beat by three jumps and not only by one!!!
- How many times do I have to tell you that the triple jump and the distance of sixteen meters you have
to beat by three jumps and not only by one!!!
The Date of Wedding
Husband is watching a match on television, and his wife is standing on the windowsill and
washes windows.
- Honey - wife suddenly said - God forbid if I fell out of the window, but please in the pause call an ambulance.
washes windows.
- Honey - wife suddenly said - God forbid if I fell out of the window, but please in the pause call an ambulance.
The Referee And a Wife
Two fans come back from the game by sharing their opinions/ impressions:
- What do you think about a guy who refereed the match today?
- It is exactly the same as my wife: she gets on my nerves, and nothing you can do to her!
- What do you think about a guy who refereed the match today?
- It is exactly the same as my wife: she gets on my nerves, and nothing you can do to her!
When Will We Become the World Champions
French coach asks God:
- Dear God, in how many years will France become the world champion?
- In six years.
- Oh, no! That's not during my term of office - replies the coach.
The Polish national team coach asks God:
- Dear God, in how many years will Poland become the world champion in football?
- Not during my term of office - answered God.
- Dear God, in how many years will France become the world champion?
- In six years.
- Oh, no! That's not during my term of office - replies the coach.
The Polish national team coach asks God:
- Dear God, in how many years will Poland become the world champion in football?
- Not during my term of office - answered God.
The Date of Wedding
_A wife says to her husband:
-You don’t think about me at all. You are interested in sport only. I’m sure you don’t remember the date of our wedding.
- Of course I do. It was the day Górnik beat Legia. The score was 2 to one.
(Górnik and Legia -two Polish fotball teams)
-You don’t think about me at all. You are interested in sport only. I’m sure you don’t remember the date of our wedding.
- Of course I do. It was the day Górnik beat Legia. The score was 2 to one.
(Górnik and Legia -two Polish fotball teams)
What do Polish volleyball players and customers Amber Gold?
- They both hoped for gold!
The Judge
A talk during a football match:
- Why is everyone shaking their fists at the man sitting on the grandstand, 10 rows below us???
- Because he has thrown the bottle at the judge.
- But he missed him.
- Quite so!
A talk during a football match:
- Why is everyone shaking their fists at the man sitting on the grandstand, 10 rows below us???
- Because he has thrown the bottle at the judge.
- But he missed him.
- Quite so!
Who is Totti? Why are there so many jokes about him in Italy?
Francesco Totti was born on the 27th of September 1976. He started to play football when he was 16 in ASRoma and after 21 years he is still there. He is also the captain of his team, ASRoma and he is one of the best players in the world. He is married to Ilary Blasi, an Italian model and they have two children, Cristian and Chanel. In 2006 he won the world cup with Italy team and in 2007 he also won the “Gold shoe award”.
In Italy we tell jokes about him and his behaviour because Totti is a very good footballer but he was not very good at school, he is an easy-going person and he always collects jokes about himself in books to raise money for charity.
The Puzzle
Totti is trying to finish the puzzle.
He finished it in four months.
Then he turns the puzzle box upside down and he reads " This puzzle is up to three years"
And so he says " Ahò! I'm a genius! I did it in four months only!!!! "
THE INTERVIEW
"Name?"
"Francesco."
"Surname?"
"Totti"
"Born?"
"Yes"
VISIT AT THE LOUVRE
Away for a match of the Champions League in Paris, Totti and Cafù visit the Louvre.
After having admired the Nike, the Milo's Venus and Monnalisa, Totti, tired finally sits on chair.
Immediately, the alarm sounds and a guard arrives: "Ehi, you're crazy, you'll have to get up now this is the seat of Luigi XVI!"
"Ahò, what a Mess!OK!!! when this Luigi returns, I'll stand up!"
TOTTI AND CARABINIERI
FRANCESCO TOTTI IS DRIVING HIS PORSCHE ON THE HIGHWAY WHEN A POLICEMAN STOPS HIM.
THE CARABINIERE ASKS: " PLS YOUR DRIVING LICENSE!! SIR YOU'LL GET A FINE !!"
TOTTI REPLIES" SORRY? WHY??"
THE CARABINIERE: " YOU'RE CARRYING A DOG ON THE FRONT SEAT!"
TOTTI "BUT , CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S A PELOUCHE?!"
THE CARABINIERE:" THE BREED DOESN'T MATTER!!!"
Whiskey with Ice or Grass
In a bar there are an ice-hockey player and a footballer. When the waiter comes the ice-hockey player orders a glass of whiskey and ice and the footballer orders a glass of whiskey and grass.
Who Will Steal the Bike
A cyclist is enjoying his new bike. In a time he comes on his bike to an outlook tower which are very popular in the Czech Republic, and wants to climb it up, so he ties his bike to a tree and puts there a label: I will catch everybody who steals this bike! Sherlock Holmes!
But alas, when he comes down the bike is away and on another label it is written:
You won’t catch me. Lens Armstrong!
But alas, when he comes down the bike is away and on another label it is written:
You won’t catch me. Lens Armstrong!
How's the Referee's Dog
After a football match a player comes to the referee and asks him about his dog. “How is your dog sir?“
“I do not have any dog!“
“That is strange because you are blind!“
“I do not have any dog!“
“That is strange because you are blind!“
A Successful Footballer
The wife of a footballer asks her husband after a match:
“How was the match?“
“Not very good indeed, we lost 3:0, but I made a hat-trick, I scored three times!“
“How was the match?“
“Not very good indeed, we lost 3:0, but I made a hat-trick, I scored three times!“
Jagr’s Ice-Hockey Sticks
The famous ice-hockey player of yours, Jaromir Jagr is a niggard. He has won ten gold ice-hockey sticks and he still plays with a wooden one.
The famous ice-hockey player of yours, Jaromir Jagr is a niggard. He has won ten gold ice-hockey sticks and he still plays with a wooden one.
Postponed Stanley Cup
The final match of the Stanley cup has been cancelled because of Police investigation. The Police arrested one of the coaches as he had boasted the he had the cup in pocket. (in the Czech Rep. “to have something in pocket“ means that it is so easy that it is practically done in even before the beginning)
The final match of the Stanley cup has been cancelled because of Police investigation. The Police arrested one of the coaches as he had boasted the he had the cup in pocket. (in the Czech Rep. “to have something in pocket“ means that it is so easy that it is practically done in even before the beginning)
A Drink after Each Score
Two friends suggested to go to a football match. “OK, let’s buy a bottle of cognac and after each goal we will have a drink.“
After the match ended in a draw 0:0, they sadly said: “Next time we will go to a match of basketball.“
Two friends suggested to go to a football match. “OK, let’s buy a bottle of cognac and after each goal we will have a drink.“
After the match ended in a draw 0:0, they sadly said: “Next time we will go to a match of basketball.“
Effective Ski-Course
A beginner in skiing breaks his leg during a course. Nevertheless he praises the course: “Well the course really brings results! Last year I broke my leg just when getting of the train.“
A beginner in skiing breaks his leg during a course. Nevertheless he praises the course: “Well the course really brings results! Last year I broke my leg just when getting of the train.“
Losing Weight when Swimming
Swimming is a good way of loosing weight!
Ok, but what do the whales do wrong?
Swimming is a good way of loosing weight!
Ok, but what do the whales do wrong?
How to Attract Women
In a fitness cetrum a man asks the trainer:
“What the God should I use to attract the women more?“
The trainer takes him out of the centrum and shows him the bank cash-point.
In a fitness cetrum a man asks the trainer:
“What the God should I use to attract the women more?“
The trainer takes him out of the centrum and shows him the bank cash-point.