A blonde calls a brunette:
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm talking to you.
- Oh, do not bother.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm talking to you.
- Oh, do not bother.
Two blondes are walking trough the forest. One asks the other:
Do you see this forest? No, I don’t. The trees are blocking my view.
Do you see this forest? No, I don’t. The trees are blocking my view.
A blonde jumped out through the window and she got lost.
What’s the difference between a clever blonde and a ghost?
You can meet a ghost.
You can meet a ghost.
A blonde calls a brunette:
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm talking to you.
- Oh, do not bother.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I'm talking to you.
- Oh, do not bother.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room?
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
A: So she could use it as a mirror.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: `Disneyland Left.` So they went home.
Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, - This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it. The librarian says to the other librarian, - So here is the person who took our phone book!
Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, `Yes. No. Yes. No.`
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, `Yes. No. Yes. No.`
Jokes about The Gold Fish (a magic figure that fulfils usually three wishes)
A Hungry Fisherman
A fisherman has caught The Gold Fish and she says:
„Let me go and I will realize three of your wishes.“
And he replies:
„Haha, and I will stay hungry!“
Poor Gold Fish
A man that has become terribly rich (an upstart) has caught The Gold Fish and asks her: „What, you poor, can I do for you?“
What to Know about Wife
Yesterday I caught The Gold Fish and she promissed to realize theree wishes, said one man to another. And teh other asked: „Fine, and what did you wish?“
„To know everything about my wife.“
„And then?“
„Not to know anything.“
A fisherman has caught The Gold Fish and she says:
„Let me go and I will realize three of your wishes.“
And he replies:
„Haha, and I will stay hungry!“
Poor Gold Fish
A man that has become terribly rich (an upstart) has caught The Gold Fish and asks her: „What, you poor, can I do for you?“
What to Know about Wife
Yesterday I caught The Gold Fish and she promissed to realize theree wishes, said one man to another. And teh other asked: „Fine, and what did you wish?“
„To know everything about my wife.“
„And then?“
„Not to know anything.“
Jokes about Popeye (A fictious figure, a boy, pretty different from the Disney's Popeye the sailor. He acts in a lot of Czech jokes as a disobedient or too curious, sometimes rude, but always funny, pupil often with a teacher lady )
Popeye and Mr. Josef Pehr
You can also imagine the Popeye as this puppet in the hand of a Czech actor, puppet theatre playwrite Mr. Josef Pehr
POPEYE CAN'T COUNT
"If you had a Euro", quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another Euro and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One Euro." answered Poppey.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Poppey shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
"One Euro." answered Poppey.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Poppey shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
POPEYE AND GRAMATICAL TENSES
Mrs. teachet asks Popeye:
“What tense is the sentence “I am beautiful“, Popeye?“
“It is the past tense Mrs. Teacher!“ replies Popeye.
The joke egsists also in Polish section :)
“What tense is the sentence “I am beautiful“, Popeye?“
“It is the past tense Mrs. Teacher!“ replies Popeye.
The joke egsists also in Polish section :)
The same joke like in Czech section:
Mrs. Teacher asks Jasiu (Johnny):
- Jasiu, what tense is the sentence 'I'm beautiful'?
- It is the past tense Mrs. Teacher! replies Jasiu.
- Jasiu, what tense is the sentence 'I'm beautiful'?
- It is the past tense Mrs. Teacher! replies Jasiu.
Jasiu (Johnny) asks his father:
- Dad, is it true what Ms Kowalska said yesterday that people come from monkeys?
- Perhaps my son ... I do not know Ms. Kowalska's family.
- Dad, is it true what Ms Kowalska said yesterday that people come from monkeys?
- Perhaps my son ... I do not know Ms. Kowalska's family.
The priest asks Jasiu on religion lesson:
- Jasiu, what do you think where God lives?
- In my bathroom.
- And why do you think like that?
- Because, always as I sit in the bathroom in the morning, my mom scriems "God, you are still sitting there?".
- Jasiu, what do you think where God lives?
- In my bathroom.
- And why do you think like that?
- Because, always as I sit in the bathroom in the morning, my mom scriems "God, you are still sitting there?".
Jasiu's dad asks him:
- So how was it at the friend's birthday?
- Not so good ...
- Why?
- But you said that I have to be polite ...
- So how was it at the friend's birthday?
- Not so good ...
- Why?
- But you said that I have to be polite ...
POPEYE AND HISTORICAL AGES
Popeye, asks the teacher, which age comes after the Bronze and Iron age?
The Heavy metal age sir!
The Heavy metal age sir!
POPEYE AND THE DEAD SEA
Popeye! "Can you tell me about the Dead Sea?" Asks the teacher lady.
"Dead Sea?!?! I didn’t even know it was ill, Madam!"
"Dead Sea?!?! I didn’t even know it was ill, Madam!"
POPEYE SAVES MONEY
Father! I saved 10 crowns today.
How did you do it?
I ran behind the bus on the way home from school!
OK, son! Tomorrow go behind a taxi and you will save 200.
How did you do it?
I ran behind the bus on the way home from school!
OK, son! Tomorrow go behind a taxi and you will save 200.
Mum has just come back and bought a new bike for Pierino's little sister. She callls Pierino and says: "Please Pierino don't say anything about the new bike! it must be a surprise!
The following day the little sister says to her mother:" oh Mum!!! the bike is really fantastic!"
The mum gets angry:" Pierino!!! where are you? I had told not to say anything about the bike!" and Pierino replies " that's what I did!!! I just showed her the bike!"
The following day the little sister says to her mother:" oh Mum!!! the bike is really fantastic!"
The mum gets angry:" Pierino!!! where are you? I had told not to say anything about the bike!" and Pierino replies " that's what I did!!! I just showed her the bike!"
Pierino and Aquarium
Pierino receives a beautiful aquarium as a Christmas gift. The next day his mum asked him: -Did you change the water in the aquarium Pierino? And Pierino answered: -No, they haven’t drunk their water yet!
:-) The same joke appears in the Czech (Hurvinek and Spejbl) section. :-)
:-) The same joke appears in the Czech (Hurvinek and Spejbl) section. :-)
Pierino: Sir, should anyone be punished for something he hasn't done?
Teacher: No! Of course not!
Pierino: Good, because i haven't done my homework.
Teacher: No! Of course not!
Pierino: Good, because i haven't done my homework.
Pierino & Numbers
Teacher: Perino,what's five and three?
Pierino: I don't know, teacher!
Teacher: It's eight of course!
Pierino: But you sayd yesterday that four and four was eight!
Pierino: I don't know, teacher!
Teacher: It's eight of course!
Pierino: But you sayd yesterday that four and four was eight!
Pierino's News
Pierino comes to his mother and cries: "Mom Mom I have good a good news and a bad one ..." "Start with the good one, dear!"
"Then the good is that I got excellent in class!"
"Bravissimo! And the bad?"
"The bad news is that it is not true!"
"Then the good is that I got excellent in class!"
"Bravissimo! And the bad?"
"The bad news is that it is not true!"
Pierino and his Parents
Mum:You have
been fighting again, Pierino! You have lost two of your front teeth!
Pierino: I’ haven’t lost them, Mum, I have got them in my pocket!
Pierino: I’ haven’t lost them, Mum, I have got them in my pocket!
At school. Teacher to Pierino:
"What's the snow?"
Pierino: It's the rain with a cold!
"What's the snow?"
Pierino: It's the rain with a cold!
Pierino: Mum,Mum, Can I play with my grandad?
Mum: Yes Pierino, but then put it back bones!
Mum: Yes Pierino, but then put it back bones!
Mom: Pierino, it's a quarter to six!
Pierino: Mom, i swear that it's not my fault!
Pierino: Mom, i swear that it's not my fault!
Pierino: Dad, Dad, do you buy me the confetti?
Dad: No! last year you throw away all.
Dad: No! last year you throw away all.
Hurvinek and Spejbl Jokes
Jokes with Hurvinek and Spejbl. Sometimes with other friends: Jerryk the dog, little Mary (Mánička in Czech)– Hurvinek’s friend, Mrs. Catherine the neighbour lady.
Hurvinek is boasting
Hurvínek is boasting in front of his girlfriend Mánička (the pretty little Mary) I bet that I wouldn't eat whole days and not sleep at nights. And Mánička said: "Oh, you poor, you could not win the bet".
And Hurvínek replied: "Cha! I won! I slept during the days and ate during the nights, cha, cháááá." (cha, chááá - loud laughter)
And Hurvínek replied: "Cha! I won! I slept during the days and ate during the nights, cha, cháááá." (cha, chááá - loud laughter)
Hurvinek and wasps
Father! "Where are wasps in winter?"
"I do not know Hurvínek, but I would like them to be there in summer too!"
"I do not know Hurvínek, but I would like them to be there in summer too!"
Where are the Bahamas
Daddy! Where are the Bahamas?
I don’t know Hurvajs! Ask Mary, she is always tiding here!
I don’t know Hurvajs! Ask Mary, she is always tiding here!
Hurvinek And His Aquarium
"Hurvajs! Have you given fresh water to the fishes in your aquarium?"
"No, dady. They haven´t drunken the old one."
:-) The same joke appears in the Italian (Pierino) section. :-)
:) In Poland we have also this joke! :)
"No, dady. They haven´t drunken the old one."
:-) The same joke appears in the Italian (Pierino) section. :-)
:) In Poland we have also this joke! :)
Jokes about the Blondes
Why are jokes about the Blondes so Short?
So that men could understand them!
A Blonde and Trees
A jittery blonde comes home and says to her boyfriend:
- It’s impossible to drive a car in this town. I turn left – a tree, I return – a tree, there are trees everywhere. I brake and try to go back – a tree again …
- Calm down, my darling, it’s just the little tree air freshener.
- It’s impossible to drive a car in this town. I turn left – a tree, I return – a tree, there are trees everywhere. I brake and try to go back – a tree again …
- Calm down, my darling, it’s just the little tree air freshener.
Two Blondes and the Bus
Two blondes are waiting for the bus. When the bus arrives one of them comes to the bus driver and asks:
- Could you tell me if I can get to the centre by your bus?
- No, you can’t. – answers the driver.
- And what about me? – asks the other one.
Jokes about Fryderyk Chopin
Chopin's Collar
Fryderyk Chopin, aged 8, performed his first concert wearing a nice white collar which his mum carefuly added to his suite. After the concert all the spectators clapped a lot and Chopin’s mum asked him afterwards:
“How were you feeling?“
“OK, I thaught they were interested in my collar.“
“How were you feeling?“
“OK, I thaught they were interested in my collar.“
__
A child says to his mother:
"Mom, why is your belly so big?"
Mom replies:
"Because I expect little sister for you."
At the bus station the child sees a man with a belly and he asks him:
"And what do you expect sir?"
The man replies:
"I'm expecting the bus."
And the child says:
"If a bike arrives can you give it to me?"
"Mom, why is your belly so big?"
Mom replies:
"Because I expect little sister for you."
At the bus station the child sees a man with a belly and he asks him:
"And what do you expect sir?"
The man replies:
"I'm expecting the bus."
And the child says:
"If a bike arrives can you give it to me?"