A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
- Doctor, when I drink coffee something hammers in my stomach.
- There is only one advice. You should take the teaspoon out of the mug.
- There is only one advice. You should take the teaspoon out of the mug.
A patient comes to an ophthalmologist:
- Please read the letters from the board - says the doctor.
The patient asks:
- What table?
- Please read the letters from the board - says the doctor.
The patient asks:
- What table?
. A woman comes to the doctor and says:
- Doctor, I have diabetes, hypertension, paresis of the right-hand, mycosis, atherosclerosis, rheumatism, scoliosis...
- My God!! Is there anything you haven’t got?
- Teeth, Doctor.
- Doctor, I have diabetes, hypertension, paresis of the right-hand, mycosis, atherosclerosis, rheumatism, scoliosis...
- My God!! Is there anything you haven’t got?
- Teeth, Doctor.
Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there’s an invisible man in the waiting room!
Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can’t see him!!
Doctor: Well, go in there and tell him I can’t see him!!
Doctor ... I still say that I play on the nerves.
- Do not fake!
- Do not fake!
Patient - Doctor, doctor! My son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Doctor - Use a pencil till I get there.
Doctor - Use a pencil till I get there.
Doctor, my whole body is itching.
-Did you take a bath as I told you?
-Yes, I did. But it helped only for two weeks.
-Did you take a bath as I told you?
-Yes, I did. But it helped only for two weeks.
Patient - Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor - Take a seat.
Patient - I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor - Take a seat.
Patient - I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Patient - Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Doctor - Pull yourself together man!
Doctor - Pull yourself together man!
A patient says to a doctor:
- The dog bit me.
Th doctor says.
- Where?
- At the corner, near my school.
- The dog bit me.
Th doctor says.
- Where?
- At the corner, near my school.
A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, `I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...`
`But how did you burn the other ear?` The doctor asked.
`They called back.`
He said, `I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...`
`But how did you burn the other ear?` The doctor asked.
`They called back.`
Playing the Piano after Operation
_Doctor! Will it be possible for me to play the piano after my operation?
Yes, of course.
Fantastic! I couldn’t play it before.
Yes, of course.
Fantastic! I couldn’t play it before.
A Madam Needs Glasses
Doctor! Doctor! I need glasses!
You certainly do, madam! It’s a Fish and Chips shop.
:-) The same appears in the Italian section. :-)
A Knife in an Eye
In the evening an injured man comes to the surgery with a knife in his back, but they are just closing.
„Doctor! Help! I do not want to die so young, I have a wife and children!“
So the doc takes the knife from his back and stings it into the man’s eye and says: “Go to the eye department, they are open till six.“
„Doctor! Help! I do not want to die so young, I have a wife and children!“
So the doc takes the knife from his back and stings it into the man’s eye and says: “Go to the eye department, they are open till six.“
An Excellent Psychiatric Care
A woman says to the psychiatrician: “Imagine doctor, my husband is as fit as a fish after your treatment“.
“Then, I am glad, it’s OK!“
“Well, it depends. replies the woman, he stopped talking and goes sleeping in the aquarium.“
“Then, I am glad, it’s OK!“
“Well, it depends. replies the woman, he stopped talking and goes sleeping in the aquarium.“
An Infectious Patient
Two docs are having a talk about their patients:
“Imagine, we are having a man who has almost all infestious diseases! So we put him into a single room and we feed him by pancakes.“
“Wow! Does it help?“
“No, but the pancakes are possible to be shifted under the door.“
“Imagine, we are having a man who has almost all infestious diseases! So we put him into a single room and we feed him by pancakes.“
“Wow! Does it help?“
“No, but the pancakes are possible to be shifted under the door.“
A Successful Operation
A surgeon: “Do not worry, I have done such operation thousand times.“
A patient: “That’s nice to hear“
The Surgeon: “It must be successful one day!“
A patient: “That’s nice to hear“
The Surgeon: “It must be successful one day!“
_A Problematic Communication
_A man comes to psychiatrician and says:
“Doctor, I have a problem in communicaton with people. I very quickly get angry“.
OK. How does it manifest?
You idiot, haven’t I told you!?
“Doctor, I have a problem in communicaton with people. I very quickly get angry“.
OK. How does it manifest?
You idiot, haven’t I told you!?
_A Specialist for Husband’s Hands
_A woman tells a doctor:
“Doctor, will you please recommend a hand specialist for my husband?“
“What’s wrong with his hands?“
“They do not want to work!“
“Doctor, will you please recommend a hand specialist for my husband?“
“What’s wrong with his hands?“
“They do not want to work!“
_Sleeping at the Window
_Doctor to a patient:
“Do you sleep at an open window as I advised you last week?“
“Oh yes, doctor!“
“And did the bronchitis disappear?“
“No, only my PC and mobile phone for the time!“
“Do you sleep at an open window as I advised you last week?“
“Oh yes, doctor!“
“And did the bronchitis disappear?“
“No, only my PC and mobile phone for the time!“
_A Good Old Schoolmate at a Dentist
_A dentist switches on the dentist’s drill and says to the patient:
“ Do you rermember, Popeye, your piercing me with compasses in the fifth class?“
“ Do you rermember, Popeye, your piercing me with compasses in the fifth class?“
Doctor Doctor, pls I need help!! My wife has swallowed a mouse!!
- ok don' panic.... keep calm and follow my instructions: take a piece of cheese and keep your wife with her mouth open in front of it!!!
An hour later the doctor arrives and sees the lady with her mouth open infront of a tin of tunafish and says:
- I didn't say tuna fish but cheese!!!!
- yes I know but the cat has to come out first!!!!
*********************
- doctor I think I need glasses!!!
- I think so !! you are in a bank
:-) The same appears in the Czech section. :-)
*****************************
- Doctor doctor whenever I drink a cup of coffee I feel a terrible ache in my right eye?
- Have you ever tried to remove the coffeespoon?
*****************************